Have you all met the funniest person in the world? You have and it’s me. I absolutely crack myself up sometimes and most of the time, it really isn’t ALL that funny. I’m still giggling about my ‘Red Alert’ comment from a month ago or so. Hahahahaha.
So what has me in stitches? Yesterday it was storming outside and I opted to go to a friend’s house after school, rain and all (come to think of it, I wonder if the dreary weather was an omen..). We were watching TV and the news stations were covering the string o’ storms like they were Hurricane Katrina. They had up a map of the area that looked strikingly similar to a picture of a PET scan of a schitzo’s brain we had been looking at earlier in psychology class. All the while the Bay News 9 newscaster was talking to the weather guy.
NC: Newscaster - WG: Weather Guy - D: Me!
NC: (WG), can you tell us about those colors we are seeing on the map?
D: What a stupid fucking question. Everyone knows what colors mean.
WG: Well, (NC), the weather maps have had the same coloring since 197(something).
D: Hahahahahahaha.
The sad part – this happened like 20 hours and I still find it very humorous. I think I need a life.
Side note – if you are not signed in and still wish to comment to a post, please click the NAME button and type your name so I know who you are. I know the last two comments were from my friend (Hey friend – just use the handle Boy Toy as more than likely that is how you will be referred to here. Oh, and Anonymous from back in the day who made the comment about me going into rehab, you don’t need to post your name – I know who you AAre or as Amy Winehouse would say, “Blaaaaake!” Touché. Sorry – it’s early and I’m still sleepy.) This way readers will know who you are as some of you get referred to time to time.
By the way, I just wanted everyone to know I am not that grameratikalie challenged, I am in community college you know. I was rereading a few of my last posts, which I do fairly often out of sheer boredom, and notice that I misspelled a whole smack load of stuff and typed in incorrect, but similar, words (you instead of your; day instead of dad; etc..). I only glimpse through these blogs after I type them. I start off with one train of through which derails off the track and then I start typing something else, all the while thinking I need to go back to the first subject and once I do, my thought process is out of whack and I am typing in a completely different style. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. I am not meant to be a proof reader. And this post hasn’t been proofed either. And that shall be my last warning.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
A Long, Long Time Ago
I can still remember....
I have pictures everywhere in my office so let’s go again, shall we? (This is great – I can now have a permanent recollection of everything!)
As many of you well know, my folks split when I was quite you. Mom moved up to NC while I stayed in Florida with Pops (and God do I love my day – no sarcasm intending – he is the greatest man ever). Even couple of summer’s I would fly up to NC to visit my Mom. One year, when I was 16 or 17, I missed my flight. This was totally my fault, Either Michelle or my friend Bart were rushing to get me to the airport but the God’s honest truth I was running late because I had been having sex with this guy named Tony S. (TMI – I know).
So here I am at TIA, my flight missed. The air people got let me get on the next flight, which would be arriving in Charlotte only about an hour or so after my original flight. So I hop on that plane and begin my travel up north. When I landed, I realized I had no idea how to find my Step-Paw because he was at some other gate. So here I was, roaming around the terminal and I looked over and saw this man eating a hot dog and immediately thought, “What is the guy homeless? Why does he have all that shit in his hair?” And then it hit me who it was.
I have pictures everywhere in my office so let’s go again, shall we? (This is great – I can now have a permanent recollection of everything!)
As many of you well know, my folks split when I was quite you. Mom moved up to NC while I stayed in Florida with Pops (and God do I love my day – no sarcasm intending – he is the greatest man ever). Even couple of summer’s I would fly up to NC to visit my Mom. One year, when I was 16 or 17, I missed my flight. This was totally my fault, Either Michelle or my friend Bart were rushing to get me to the airport but the God’s honest truth I was running late because I had been having sex with this guy named Tony S. (TMI – I know).
So here I am at TIA, my flight missed. The air people got let me get on the next flight, which would be arriving in Charlotte only about an hour or so after my original flight. So I hop on that plane and begin my travel up north. When I landed, I realized I had no idea how to find my Step-Paw because he was at some other gate. So here I was, roaming around the terminal and I looked over and saw this man eating a hot dog and immediately thought, “What is the guy homeless? Why does he have all that shit in his hair?” And then it hit me who it was.
***IT WAS GEORGE MUTHA-FUCKING CLINTON!!
***
I went up to him and said, “Sir, are you George Clinton?” “Yes I am baby,” he says to me. Holy shit! I asked for an autograph and he let me take is picture. I felt horrible because he was eating his dog in peace when I interrupted him and then people starting coming up to him.
Do who know how many artists look up to this man for decades and have used him and his music as their inspiration? I think everyone of his songs have been sampled by someone or another.
It was the coolest thing. I got to meet the Original D-O-G!
A Long, Long Time Ago
I can still remember…..
Let’s all give this new segment to danielleisblogging a nice warm welcome. This is where I’ll be posting pics and some of the more memorable stories from my past which I am starting to forget due to my old age (I TURNED THE BIG 3-0 LAST WEEK – WOOT!).
Many, many years ago – a decade or so – my best friend at the time, Michelle, got knocked up, married (in that order) and was close to spawning time. I lost my friend because her husband hated me and still does to this day (she couldn’t even go to my 30th Birthday Party last weekend). My real Grandmother (the one who hates everyone whether they’re white, brown, red, yellow, Puerto Rican and Haitian) is from Costa Rica and she was planning a trip down there as her mother had recently passed away and Grandma needed to travel to take care of her late mother’s estate. Since I was going through a turbulent time, she offered to take me along, all expenses included. We got such a great fare for the trip that my ex, Aubrey (or as Michele would call him, Snobrey) came along.
We did all the usual sight seeing; I can post some of those pics later. Before we went up to see the Irazu (or something like that) Volcano, we stopped at a little mercado in Cartago where G’ma proceeded to pick up some of her favorite fruits from her younger days, fruits which are certainly not native, or even sold here in the good U.S. of A. I had never seen anything like them and they were so vulgar I was compelled to take a picture.
Let’s all give this new segment to danielleisblogging a nice warm welcome. This is where I’ll be posting pics and some of the more memorable stories from my past which I am starting to forget due to my old age (I TURNED THE BIG 3-0 LAST WEEK – WOOT!).
Many, many years ago – a decade or so – my best friend at the time, Michelle, got knocked up, married (in that order) and was close to spawning time. I lost my friend because her husband hated me and still does to this day (she couldn’t even go to my 30th Birthday Party last weekend). My real Grandmother (the one who hates everyone whether they’re white, brown, red, yellow, Puerto Rican and Haitian) is from Costa Rica and she was planning a trip down there as her mother had recently passed away and Grandma needed to travel to take care of her late mother’s estate. Since I was going through a turbulent time, she offered to take me along, all expenses included. We got such a great fare for the trip that my ex, Aubrey (or as Michele would call him, Snobrey) came along.
We did all the usual sight seeing; I can post some of those pics later. Before we went up to see the Irazu (or something like that) Volcano, we stopped at a little mercado in Cartago where G’ma proceeded to pick up some of her favorite fruits from her younger days, fruits which are certainly not native, or even sold here in the good U.S. of A. I had never seen anything like them and they were so vulgar I was compelled to take a picture.
Doesn’t the one on the left look like a vagina? I was sitting in the back seat watching my grandmother chow down on those things as if she were a carpet muncher. I still have flashbacks..
Sunday, April 12, 2009
D is for Dangerous
I was thinking about doing something that could possibly constitute bad.
Can someone tell me what is considered cheating?
There's this hot guy in my psych class that wants to make out with me (hehehe - feels like high school again). And he is pretty hot - blue eyes, brown hair (you all know how much I like it when they look like me); very, very tall; tattoos. The only negative, he's a little on the slim side. If anything were to progress further than a heated make out session I'm afraid I'd break him like a twig.
I think the honeymoon here is over and I may be looking for boy toy or a mister (is that what you would call a male mistress?).
Bad Danielle. As boring as my life usually is, I can sure get myself into some shit.
Can someone tell me what is considered cheating?
There's this hot guy in my psych class that wants to make out with me (hehehe - feels like high school again). And he is pretty hot - blue eyes, brown hair (you all know how much I like it when they look like me); very, very tall; tattoos. The only negative, he's a little on the slim side. If anything were to progress further than a heated make out session I'm afraid I'd break him like a twig.
I think the honeymoon here is over and I may be looking for boy toy or a mister (is that what you would call a male mistress?).
Bad Danielle. As boring as my life usually is, I can sure get myself into some shit.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Skinny Jeans
I can't believe skinny jeans have been/are back in style. And I can't believe I have a few pairs of them. I feel like I've sold out.
I got my God=Greed paper back in my Humanities class today - I got an 'A-' and am thrilled. I really thought that was gonna be a 'C' paper at best.
I lost my cell phone today and had to get a replacement. All of my phone numbers have been lost and I am pissed. I'm not sure how it got away from me. I've been calling it but I put it on silent when I'm at school and I don't know if I unsilenced it or not. Thank gosh I have insurance on the phone. It only cost me $50. When my contract comes due in a few months, I'm gonna buy an expensive, bad ass phone. Why? I just wanna be cool again.
I got my God=Greed paper back in my Humanities class today - I got an 'A-' and am thrilled. I really thought that was gonna be a 'C' paper at best.
I lost my cell phone today and had to get a replacement. All of my phone numbers have been lost and I am pissed. I'm not sure how it got away from me. I've been calling it but I put it on silent when I'm at school and I don't know if I unsilenced it or not. Thank gosh I have insurance on the phone. It only cost me $50. When my contract comes due in a few months, I'm gonna buy an expensive, bad ass phone. Why? I just wanna be cool again.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Dear D & D:
Debbie and Dylan:
Oh Deb - I've been meaning to call or email you but like I said in previous posts, time just slips through my fingers like sand in the hourglass (these are the days of my life).
Dylan - I still have your email from August in my inbox to respond to. I see it when I check my email and think, "Damn, I need to reply to Dylan!" But alas, I do not. I've not forgotten though!
Oh Deb - I've been meaning to call or email you but like I said in previous posts, time just slips through my fingers like sand in the hourglass (these are the days of my life).
Dylan - I still have your email from August in my inbox to respond to. I see it when I check my email and think, "Damn, I need to reply to Dylan!" But alas, I do not. I've not forgotten though!
My Humanities Paper
I can't believe I forgot to tell you all what my humanities paper was about!
Unfortunately, the "Quran" and "Woman" thing didn't work out, but I did use a passsage of the Quran for my paper. The story is very similar to Christianity. God Is good - God is great - Believers shall go to a paradise as long as they follow God - Unbelievers shall rot in hell.
So what, you ask, was my paper in? I compared God to Greed, the Unbelievers are the peeps who got fucked in the housing crisis and the Believers are the bastards who profited off of them.
Hell, here I come!
Unfortunately, the "Quran" and "Woman" thing didn't work out, but I did use a passsage of the Quran for my paper. The story is very similar to Christianity. God Is good - God is great - Believers shall go to a paradise as long as they follow God - Unbelievers shall rot in hell.
So what, you ask, was my paper in? I compared God to Greed, the Unbelievers are the peeps who got fucked in the housing crisis and the Believers are the bastards who profited off of them.
Hell, here I come!
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