The first step to fighting an addiction is admitting the problem, right? Well it’s taken all of me to muster up the courage to say this but I’m ready. I have a problem. I am an addict.
Every waking minute I spend thinking, dreaming, fantasizing, wanting it to encumber me like a warm blanket. The days are so long I feel that I will never get home soon enough to quench my burning thirst for it. It has surrounded all my being. It has also overtaken my dreams as it speaks to me in all those lovely voices. I run with them in my subconscious where it feels like pure, eternal bliss. Sunshine after the rain…
I have no one to talk to about this. No one in which to bear the inners of my soul. I frantically search for someone who will understand, or at least be able to imagine (without prejudice) the overwhelmingly calm sensation it has on me. The tranquility of sea.
I fiend. I simply cannot get enough. The true horror though is that I know the supply has nearly depleted. Only two to go really. I don’t know what I will do when it is all gone.
I fucking love Harry Potter and his magical little world.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Memories
At risk of getting my ass kicked, I publish this:
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~Per Olan Mills, circa 1995~
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Thank goodness we cleaned up well.
Monday, September 17, 2007
SITE UPDATE!!
I have changed the drop down in the comments section to allow anyone to comment. What does this mean to you, the avid reader? a) If you already have an account set up you no longer need to sign in to post your comments, making it easier for the two of you who actually post. b) If you don't have an account you don't need to open one to say what you feel you gots to say. This change will make it easier for those of you who read loyally or when in desperate need of a laugh (you know who you are biotches). Holla'!
Friday, September 14, 2007
Kibble and Bits
I'm still on this greyhound racing thing. I did the unthinkable today. I opened an account to bet online. Racing starts tonight at 7:30p EST.
Typing of greyhounds - There are all these great rescue programs out there were you can adopt the used(?) racers. Dogs like to fuck with you. All dog owners know what I'm talking about - your cute little pumpkin gets out of the front door and starts hauling ass down the street while you try your damnedest to chase him/her down. Understand that there is no way in hell I will get another dog (right now) but I was still visualizing owning one of those retired, unwanted, so-scrawny-it's-scary dogs in my head. What the fuck would I (or anyone for that matter) do if it got out and ran?
Mama's Is's are all getting along well (I call them my Is's - IsIS, OsirIS and AnubIS - when I leave the house I say "Kisses for Mama's Is's." I love my chitlins.). Siris and Nubis rough house together. Nubis and Isis play tug or way with the rope. It really is precious.
I have now been officially ordained by the Universal Life Church. My grandma was none too happy of this decision. She asked me what my duties were as minister. Huh? "Your responsibilities to the church," she says. I tried to pull something out of my ass as not to flat out tell her I did it because I was green with envy because one of my peers possessed something I did not. She asked if it was all just a big joke. I told her I could marry people, left out the part about baptising, then changed the subject. On a lighter note, I think I should be sainted - I've adopted as many children as Angelina Jolie.
Times are tough. I've been looking to supplement my income. I figured between dog racing and my new holy position I would be able to produce a little change. I got up yesterday morning and as I was watching my morning show, the Daily Buzz, where they summarized this article: www.phillyburbs.com/pb-dyn/news/103-09122007-1406212.html. Where does this leave me?
Typing of greyhounds - There are all these great rescue programs out there were you can adopt the used(?) racers. Dogs like to fuck with you. All dog owners know what I'm talking about - your cute little pumpkin gets out of the front door and starts hauling ass down the street while you try your damnedest to chase him/her down. Understand that there is no way in hell I will get another dog (right now) but I was still visualizing owning one of those retired, unwanted, so-scrawny-it's-scary dogs in my head. What the fuck would I (or anyone for that matter) do if it got out and ran?
Mama's Is's are all getting along well (I call them my Is's - IsIS, OsirIS and AnubIS - when I leave the house I say "Kisses for Mama's Is's." I love my chitlins.). Siris and Nubis rough house together. Nubis and Isis play tug or way with the rope. It really is precious.
I have now been officially ordained by the Universal Life Church. My grandma was none too happy of this decision. She asked me what my duties were as minister. Huh? "Your responsibilities to the church," she says. I tried to pull something out of my ass as not to flat out tell her I did it because I was green with envy because one of my peers possessed something I did not. She asked if it was all just a big joke. I told her I could marry people, left out the part about baptising, then changed the subject. On a lighter note, I think I should be sainted - I've adopted as many children as Angelina Jolie.
Times are tough. I've been looking to supplement my income. I figured between dog racing and my new holy position I would be able to produce a little change. I got up yesterday morning and as I was watching my morning show, the Daily Buzz, where they summarized this article: www.phillyburbs.com/pb-dyn/news/103-09122007-1406212.html. Where does this leave me?
Monday, September 10, 2007
One Step Closer to Godliness
Boy oh boy has it been a long time?! All of August was atrocious for me at the office. Needless to say I am still recuperating. Here’s what you’ve missed (and then some) -
I’ve started Fantasy Dog Racing. Pops said he had never heard of such a thing. Well of course not and that would be because I invented it. I’m getting my jollies in the evenings by watching the dogs race (you can watch online for free at http://www.derbylane.com/ and we all know FREE is for ME!!). I’m schooling now before I head back out to the track. I want to be a pro. When we went to the Dog Track I saw this chick who you could tell knew what she was doing. She didn’t look anywhere near as good as me (not many can compare) but I have to say it was hot as hell to watch that woman in motion. I love seeing women do things that are historically considered manly. There’s something about women playing pool. I don’t know what it is. When I was younger I had to go to the Boys’ & Girls’ Club after school where I learned to shoot pool. Pops would take me up to the Cue Club when I was 12 or so to ‘hone’ my skills. I can honestly say I’ve gone out once or twice with exes to play a few racks and have left them surprised. They never thought I would win so we’d bet ‘sexual favors’ – next time I’m shooting for dough. I wanna be a hustler. That’s hot.
I felt a tinge of jealousy today when Deb (not step-mom Debbie M****** but she’s a Deb M. as well – A/K/A Evil Bride Vibe) told me she had been ordained a minister by the Universal Life Church. Being that I didn’t want to be left behind, I too applied for ordination at the Universal Life Church headquartered in Modesto California. And by ‘APPLY’ I mean I pressed the button that said ‘ORDAIN ME.’ Why become ordained? I can now perform weddings (I could already do this since I’m a notary), funerals, baptisms and other functions of the clergy. I can also begin my own ministry! Mary keeps telling me that I’m going to hell, but alas, she is severely mistaken. As the minister of my own ministry I set the rules. What I say goes in the House of Daniellism. The Universal Life Church not only ordains ministers but allows you to obtain degrees as well. I am currently looking into the Doctor of Philosophy in Religion degree. Don’t forget I was going back to school to major in Philosophy or Religion so this falls right in line with my life goals, and for a mere $100 (verses the $20k+ I would have to pay at a state university) it is way more cost effective. All I need to do now is click the ADD TO SHOPPING CART button and you’ll be calling me Dr. M******! For $69 I can obtain my Masters in Religion (I’ll pay the extra $31 for my doctorate); $59 gets you the Doctor of Biblical Studies (this is sacrilegious to me – I’ll pass on this degree); $40 for Doctor of Religious Science; $29 Doctor of Divinity; $29 Doctor of Metaphysics (for future reference please visit http://www.ulc.net/ for complete and detailed pricing and available products). There are tons of other things you can buy at this place – my favorites being the titles at only 10 bucks a piece! My name will read: E. DANIELLE M******, PH.D, TVE, AA, UPAR (PH.D = Philosophy Doctorate; TVE = the Very Esteemed; AA = Archangel; UPAR (Universal Philosopher in Absolute Reality). HOW FUCKING GREAT IS THIS?
And finally a brief discussion on someone who needs me as a life coach - Britney Spears. Her sad and trashtastic performance last night at the VMAs is all the talk around the water cooler today. She is a big ol' mess. On her physical appearance - I thought her face looked FABULOUS! Whoever spackled that goat did a helluva great job! As for her body - I didn't think it was all that bad. Granted she's not tight and toned like she once was but hell, I'd kill to have the body she was dancing(?) around in last night. I'm still trying to figure out who let her go on Dateline (with my beloved Matt Lauer) sans handlers. That was the first showing of many horrific weaves (this was pre-bald Britney and she had no excuse being in front of the camera with what looked like a dead animal on her head), plus her fake lashes weren't being properly glued on and her make up rivaled that of a cheap streetwalker. I really feel sorry for her y'all. But props to Sarah Silverman calling her kids two of the cutest mistakes you've ever seen. BURN!
I’ve started Fantasy Dog Racing. Pops said he had never heard of such a thing. Well of course not and that would be because I invented it. I’m getting my jollies in the evenings by watching the dogs race (you can watch online for free at http://www.derbylane.com/ and we all know FREE is for ME!!). I’m schooling now before I head back out to the track. I want to be a pro. When we went to the Dog Track I saw this chick who you could tell knew what she was doing. She didn’t look anywhere near as good as me (not many can compare) but I have to say it was hot as hell to watch that woman in motion. I love seeing women do things that are historically considered manly. There’s something about women playing pool. I don’t know what it is. When I was younger I had to go to the Boys’ & Girls’ Club after school where I learned to shoot pool. Pops would take me up to the Cue Club when I was 12 or so to ‘hone’ my skills. I can honestly say I’ve gone out once or twice with exes to play a few racks and have left them surprised. They never thought I would win so we’d bet ‘sexual favors’ – next time I’m shooting for dough. I wanna be a hustler. That’s hot.
I felt a tinge of jealousy today when Deb (not step-mom Debbie M****** but she’s a Deb M. as well – A/K/A Evil Bride Vibe) told me she had been ordained a minister by the Universal Life Church. Being that I didn’t want to be left behind, I too applied for ordination at the Universal Life Church headquartered in Modesto California. And by ‘APPLY’ I mean I pressed the button that said ‘ORDAIN ME.’ Why become ordained? I can now perform weddings (I could already do this since I’m a notary), funerals, baptisms and other functions of the clergy. I can also begin my own ministry! Mary keeps telling me that I’m going to hell, but alas, she is severely mistaken. As the minister of my own ministry I set the rules. What I say goes in the House of Daniellism. The Universal Life Church not only ordains ministers but allows you to obtain degrees as well. I am currently looking into the Doctor of Philosophy in Religion degree. Don’t forget I was going back to school to major in Philosophy or Religion so this falls right in line with my life goals, and for a mere $100 (verses the $20k+ I would have to pay at a state university) it is way more cost effective. All I need to do now is click the ADD TO SHOPPING CART button and you’ll be calling me Dr. M******! For $69 I can obtain my Masters in Religion (I’ll pay the extra $31 for my doctorate); $59 gets you the Doctor of Biblical Studies (this is sacrilegious to me – I’ll pass on this degree); $40 for Doctor of Religious Science; $29 Doctor of Divinity; $29 Doctor of Metaphysics (for future reference please visit http://www.ulc.net/ for complete and detailed pricing and available products). There are tons of other things you can buy at this place – my favorites being the titles at only 10 bucks a piece! My name will read: E. DANIELLE M******, PH.D, TVE, AA, UPAR (PH.D = Philosophy Doctorate; TVE = the Very Esteemed; AA = Archangel; UPAR (Universal Philosopher in Absolute Reality). HOW FUCKING GREAT IS THIS?
And finally a brief discussion on someone who needs me as a life coach - Britney Spears. Her sad and trashtastic performance last night at the VMAs is all the talk around the water cooler today. She is a big ol' mess. On her physical appearance - I thought her face looked FABULOUS! Whoever spackled that goat did a helluva great job! As for her body - I didn't think it was all that bad. Granted she's not tight and toned like she once was but hell, I'd kill to have the body she was dancing(?) around in last night. I'm still trying to figure out who let her go on Dateline (with my beloved Matt Lauer) sans handlers. That was the first showing of many horrific weaves (this was pre-bald Britney and she had no excuse being in front of the camera with what looked like a dead animal on her head), plus her fake lashes weren't being properly glued on and her make up rivaled that of a cheap streetwalker. I really feel sorry for her y'all. But props to Sarah Silverman calling her kids two of the cutest mistakes you've ever seen. BURN!
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