Reach Out and Stalk Someone..

I’ve met hundreds of people through out my life, some memorable, many more forgettable.

I always wonder Whatever Happened To…

Michelle and I have been pondering this query for years. With the plethora of information available on the World Wide Web, we can, at times, answer the questions that enquiring minds want to know (off subject, do you remember that commercial from 25 years ago for the tabloid? Crazy how some slogans stand the test of time?). The Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Department has a nifty little website where you can look up arrests over the past five years, and on more than one occasion, I have grabbed my high school yearbook for a Where Are They Now montage. Used in combination with the Florida Department of Corrections website and you can find out a whole lot of dirt on all of the winners we hung out with back in the day. Then there’s myspace. I think everyone has sold out and created a myspace account, so it’s a wonderful place when you’re wondering Whatever Happened To. We check these sites frequently as records are very up to date. Why we do this I’m not sure. I think on some level, as sad as it sounds, we do this to feel better about ourselves. It’s almost uplifting to look at our prior conquests and say things like Eeew, he looks like white trash or Ick, time has not been his friend or the classic, OMG, what the fuck was I thinking sleeping with that loser? Michelle and I exchange our findings, comments, and nastiness. A good time had by all.

To expand on this a bit further, I think every woman inherits a ‘stalker’ trait (and any of the female readers out there who deny this are lying). We’ve all gone a little over board once or twice or at every opportunity that’s presented itself, asking ourselves questions like Where is he? Who is he with? What is he doing? Why hasn’t he called me? Is he mad at me? With our minds raging in questions like these we have no choice but to look for answers, by whatever means necessary. We’ve all incessantly called, driven by his home, popped up at one of his old haunts in hopes of something-er-other.

~A Tragic Love Story~
Over a decade ago, I met (and presumable fell for) a guy we’ll call LL. As I recall, it was lust at first sight. Shaved head, tattooed to the nines, dirty wife beater – you know, all the important things you look at. I thought he was my soul mate (keep in mind, I’m 17 at the time and I think every guy I hop into bed with is my soul mate). The tragedy, he was moving out of state the next week. As I remember (an my memory is cloudy – I can’t remember if I ate breakfast this morning, let alone some random week long fling from 10 years ago), we spent as much time together as possible over the next few days, then alas, he moved. We kept in touch for a few months it seems (I found some of the letters at home which is what brought this on), but eventually, as with all puppy love, it dissipated.

So last week, the image of this cat pops in my mind and I wonder whatever happened to LL? I turn to my trusty sidekick, the computer with high speed internet, and Google LL. Lo and behold, I find him. Dayum. What do I do now?

I do the only thing I know how. I contact the All Knowing Michelle. The All Knowing confirms my initial thought, contact him (she does include a back handed compliment by stating ‘He still looks good, though. Not like some of the others.’).

So I send a message:
Subject: I can’t think of a subject..
Message: LL Cool Jay? Used to live in Tampa a decade ago? Are you one in the same?

I get a reply the next day which simply says:
Subject: RE: I can’t think of a subject..
Message: i am one in the same-holy shit long time!-how are you?

Wow, I think. LL remembers me, which is surprising as I have many a day where I feel unforgettable. I type out my reply:

Subject: Blast from the Past..
Message: Holy shit long time is the under statement of the year (I don't think you'll hold the title long though - it's only February). I'm surprised you remember me, if indeed you do (for all I know you may have read - lived in Tampa - and concluded that I must be someone you haven't spoken to in a long time). If you do know who I am, I can only imagine your shock of receiving a message from someone you haven't had contact with for a very long time. Life is good. I'm happy. I have my health. I am comfortable with myself. I've got three beautiful children (each with four legs) that keep me young in my older age. What more can one ask for?How are you? Still up in VT I see. Did ya ever settle down, get married, start a family, etc.?

Needless to say, it’s been about a week and I have not had a reply. I am going to blame this on email (and Robert Blake - Robert Blake is responsible for all things bad) as the problem with email is can't hear cynicism in the sender’s voice. If I orally read the message, you can here the sarcasm laced words. To read it I sound like a bloody flake. This leads me to believe that a) he has no fucking idea who I am and/or b) he thinks I am a fucking flake. Hmph. What now? Maybe I should Ask RobX.

When the stalker trait rears it’s head in this situation, it makes me want to send another email and be like WTF?! but contrary to how I feel (how WE all feel, bitches) I have decided to let it be. I am a little bummed out as I think we’d all be in the situation (especially the gals in the office who have decided to live vicariously through me of all people) but oh well. I’ll just have to find some more potential trouble to get myself into. This shouldn't be too hard.

So here’s the question I pose, my avid fans, would you want to be contacted by someone distant past? I mean seriously, who wouldn't want to be contacted by me?!