Studies Have Shown...

I've been wanting to blog about this for quite a bit of time now but thought that maybe it wasn't the best idea. Being that it has now been researched, I feel I can speak somewhat freely.

I have a hard time seeing myself with anyone long term due to this need to be loved unconditionally. Being the proud owner of three wonderful animals, I have become accustomed to this unconditional love. I can beat them, yell at them, or punish them and still my babies love me, unconditionally. Unconditional love is something ingrained into the puppies which they do not question.


In almost every relationship I've been in, there's been an underlying thought in my mind - He would love me more if... I was prettier; I lost weight; I wasn't so bitchy all the time; I was more social. Maybe I was (am) just being self conscience but those feelings and thoughts have persisted through out each of my romantic encounters.

I'm sure I can trace this to its source - My Mother. Mommy Dearest dipped when I was just a mere child and this has had a ridiculous impact on me. This event has caused me to have severe trust issues (if Mom can leave, anyone can (and they have - the only people to truly break my heart have been my 'friends')) and has hindered many a relationship. I've had doubts that this woman has ever loved me unconditionally, even though I'm told that's what parents are supposed to do (SIDE NOTE: I received an Easter card from her last week which was signed: Love, Your 'Bio' Mom, Annie - this was a first, my 'bio' mom?! - she is definitely losing it). Maybe if I was a better daughter, she would have loved me enough to stay or at least put up a fight for me.

My point - I can honestly say that the best relationship I have ever been in was where I was one half of an 'I Can't Believe She's With Him' couple. I know what you're thinking, with all my loveliness wouldn't every relationship I'm in make me one half of an 'I Can't Believe She's With Him' couple? Perhaps, but this was the only time I saw it for what it was. It was the only time I felt I was truly loved, unconditionally, by a person.

As Metallica would say, You know it's sad but true.