Friday, April 25, 2008
Another Day
Friday. Yet another day on this emotional roller coaster I call life. I know I deemed myself cured a few weeks ago, but cured I am not. However, I get like this even when I am medicated so I am now deeming myself hopeless.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Medication Update
So I've been unmedicated for about two months and all seemed to be going well until yesterday when the bad side of me took over. Something didn't go my way and then I turned. Call me a spoiled brat if you'd like but I do get pissy when my best laid plans fail and pissier when I don't get what I want (gimme a break - I'm an only child for God's sake). So what did I do? I popped some Xanax.
I haven't touched the stuff since January when I popped at least 20 of those puppies between 8p and 5a the next morning and then decided to go out for a drive around 6a (I was craving McDonald's dammit!). My pill popping (ex-boy)friend did nothing to stop me. He was, however, kind enough to move his car so I could get out of my driveway. After that night, I decided neither Xanax or the ex were good influences in my life.
I got home yesterday on the verge of tears. I was unsure what to do with myself so I hit the (prescription) bottle. I popped two of those little pills, then remembered 2 never really had too much of an effect on me so I took another. 15 seconds later I said fuck it and took at fourth (I like even numbers). Needless to say, I passed out around 7p and slept the full night through.
I woke up this morning moving a bit slow due to my anti-anxiety hangover, but I was still in a shitty mood. What else could I do but say, "Thank you sir, may I have another?" So I did.
I feel like I may possibly be beginning the start to spiraling out of control. But who the fuck cares? It doesn't seem like I do.
I felt similar to this a few months ago and penned the missive below. I'm not sure why I feel the need to share it with all of you but again, who the fuck cares? Not I.
Self destruction is my construction.
I don't feel like I've even been put first - I'm always on the back burner.
Even my parents have chosen their significant others over me,
leaving me feeling unwanted.
Unneeded.
Uncared for.
Unused.
Abused.
Peruse
through my brain
and feel the pain
and the sadness surrounding,
as your mind is hounding,
for you to stand up and take charge,
but at large
is all of your self respect and dignity
missing indefinitely
from your day to day routine.
Obscene.
Unseen
by the naked eye.
By why,
oh why,
would someone want to be inside me?
The unworthy.
Unloved.
Having been shoved
to the side
(what a surprise!)
and left on the road.
Story untold.
But no one's listening anyway.
I haven't touched the stuff since January when I popped at least 20 of those puppies between 8p and 5a the next morning and then decided to go out for a drive around 6a (I was craving McDonald's dammit!). My pill popping (ex-boy)friend did nothing to stop me. He was, however, kind enough to move his car so I could get out of my driveway. After that night, I decided neither Xanax or the ex were good influences in my life.
I got home yesterday on the verge of tears. I was unsure what to do with myself so I hit the (prescription) bottle. I popped two of those little pills, then remembered 2 never really had too much of an effect on me so I took another. 15 seconds later I said fuck it and took at fourth (I like even numbers). Needless to say, I passed out around 7p and slept the full night through.
I woke up this morning moving a bit slow due to my anti-anxiety hangover, but I was still in a shitty mood. What else could I do but say, "Thank you sir, may I have another?" So I did.
I feel like I may possibly be beginning the start to spiraling out of control. But who the fuck cares? It doesn't seem like I do.
I felt similar to this a few months ago and penned the missive below. I'm not sure why I feel the need to share it with all of you but again, who the fuck cares? Not I.
Self destruction is my construction.
I don't feel like I've even been put first - I'm always on the back burner.
Even my parents have chosen their significant others over me,
leaving me feeling unwanted.
Unneeded.
Uncared for.
Unused.
Abused.
Peruse
through my brain
and feel the pain
and the sadness surrounding,
as your mind is hounding,
for you to stand up and take charge,
but at large
is all of your self respect and dignity
missing indefinitely
from your day to day routine.
Obscene.
Unseen
by the naked eye.
By why,
oh why,
would someone want to be inside me?
The unworthy.
Unloved.
Having been shoved
to the side
(what a surprise!)
and left on the road.
Story untold.
But no one's listening anyway.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Today's Oxymoron
Why do women make less money than men when it costs more money to be female than male? I cannot name a single product that my male counterparts have to buy to necessitate their daily lives. Can you? Anyone? No one?! I didn’t think so.
We, on the other hand, have to spend our hard earned cash on feminine hygiene products. We HAVE to – no ifs, ands or ass about it. What kind of bullshit is that?
We, on the other hand, have to spend our hard earned cash on feminine hygiene products. We HAVE to – no ifs, ands or ass about it. What kind of bullshit is that?
Monday, April 21, 2008
rEsearch paper - Trinidad
The majority of closing agents you run into hate mail away closings. Something always comes back fucked up - you sent 1st and 2nd mortgage loan packages that were returned in one big jumble of a cluster fuck. You overnight documents to Ireland, just to have them returned with a Florida notary. Then sometimes you get files back with no damn money at all.
A few years ago my office handled a mail away closing in which the buyer was located in Trinidad. International mail aways blow. There's a ton or research that has to be done before you can even send a package out. When this particular file was returned, the buyer neglected to enclose the funds needed for closing. After a horrendous 6 weeks, my office finally received all of the money from the buyer and we were able to disburse the transaction. I was having doubts that I was even gonna get this man's $60k, and I wasn't the only one. Someone in my office had had first hand experience with a person of Trinidad decent. Her lunch money had been stolen by Dayna (with a Y) on a daily basis back in her elementary school days. So she decided to write me a paper about Trinidad and their people.
NOTE: This below is unedited. The spelling and grammar are horrible. Some parts are repetitive. You may be offended.
Trinidad - by 'E'
Trinidad is the largest populous of the 23 islands which make up the country of Trinidad and Tobago. Trinidad is the southernmost island in the Caribbean and lies just 11 km (7miles) off the northeastern coast of Venezuela. Trinidad has an area of 4,769 km2 (1,824 sq. mi.) and is located between 10°3'N 60°55'W and 10°50'N 61°55'W.
Trinidad is the largest populous of the 23 islands which make up the country of Trinidad and Tobago. The people of Trinidad and Tobago are mainly of African or East Indian descent. They look black but their really not. Most of them speak Creole. The two islands of Trinidad and Tobago were incorporated into a single colony in 1888. Trinidadieans get diseases and have to has shots all the time or they will spread to innocent people. They also like to kidnap Americans and kill them for no reason. The climate is hot and humid all year round, divided into a dry season (November to April) and a rainy season (May to October). The dry season is the busiest and prices are higher at this time. September to October is hurricane season. Trinidad was originally settled by Amerindians of South American origins. It was rediscovered by Christopher Columbus on his third voyage in 1498. Trinidad remained in Spanish hands until 1797 (when it was ceded to the British), but it was largely settled by the French and their African Slaves. After the Abolition of the Slave Trade in the British Empire in 1834 several Immigrant Indentured Laborer groups, including the Portuguese, Chinese and Indians, were employed to fill the labour void created when liberated Africans left the plantations. In 1889 it was united with Tobago into a single crown colony. Trinidad is also an industrial island with a diversified economy, based to a large extent on oil and natural gas, industry and agriculture. It is one of the leading gas-based export centres in the world, being the leading exporter of ammonia and methanol and among the top five exporters of liquefied natural gas. This has allowed Trinidad to capitalise on the large mineral reserves within its territories. It has good transport links and infrastructure, although some roads in more rural areas are in disrepair.
Trinidadieans get diseases and have to has shots all the time or they will spread to innocent people. They also like to kidnap Americans and kill them because they are jealous of the people. They steal from their neighbors and they take lunch money away from innocent american kids.
A few years ago my office handled a mail away closing in which the buyer was located in Trinidad. International mail aways blow. There's a ton or research that has to be done before you can even send a package out. When this particular file was returned, the buyer neglected to enclose the funds needed for closing. After a horrendous 6 weeks, my office finally received all of the money from the buyer and we were able to disburse the transaction. I was having doubts that I was even gonna get this man's $60k, and I wasn't the only one. Someone in my office had had first hand experience with a person of Trinidad decent. Her lunch money had been stolen by Dayna (with a Y) on a daily basis back in her elementary school days. So she decided to write me a paper about Trinidad and their people.
NOTE: This below is unedited. The spelling and grammar are horrible. Some parts are repetitive. You may be offended.
Trinidad - by 'E'
Trinidad is the largest populous of the 23 islands which make up the country of Trinidad and Tobago. Trinidad is the southernmost island in the Caribbean and lies just 11 km (7miles) off the northeastern coast of Venezuela. Trinidad has an area of 4,769 km2 (1,824 sq. mi.) and is located between 10°3'N 60°55'W and 10°50'N 61°55'W.
Trinidad is the largest populous of the 23 islands which make up the country of Trinidad and Tobago. The people of Trinidad and Tobago are mainly of African or East Indian descent. They look black but their really not. Most of them speak Creole. The two islands of Trinidad and Tobago were incorporated into a single colony in 1888. Trinidadieans get diseases and have to has shots all the time or they will spread to innocent people. They also like to kidnap Americans and kill them for no reason. The climate is hot and humid all year round, divided into a dry season (November to April) and a rainy season (May to October). The dry season is the busiest and prices are higher at this time. September to October is hurricane season. Trinidad was originally settled by Amerindians of South American origins. It was rediscovered by Christopher Columbus on his third voyage in 1498. Trinidad remained in Spanish hands until 1797 (when it was ceded to the British), but it was largely settled by the French and their African Slaves. After the Abolition of the Slave Trade in the British Empire in 1834 several Immigrant Indentured Laborer groups, including the Portuguese, Chinese and Indians, were employed to fill the labour void created when liberated Africans left the plantations. In 1889 it was united with Tobago into a single crown colony. Trinidad is also an industrial island with a diversified economy, based to a large extent on oil and natural gas, industry and agriculture. It is one of the leading gas-based export centres in the world, being the leading exporter of ammonia and methanol and among the top five exporters of liquefied natural gas. This has allowed Trinidad to capitalise on the large mineral reserves within its territories. It has good transport links and infrastructure, although some roads in more rural areas are in disrepair.
Trinidadieans get diseases and have to has shots all the time or they will spread to innocent people. They also like to kidnap Americans and kill them because they are jealous of the people. They steal from their neighbors and they take lunch money away from innocent american kids.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
2008 - The Year of Recycling?
Not even half the year has passed and my mind is clouded with all of the rumors of impending sequels, spin offs and reunions. I know our current entertainment programming consists of recycled movies and TV programs, with truly original content found few and far between, but by golly, you don't fuck with classics. I kept quiet when John Waters' Hairspray was remade with the gay kid from High School Musical, John Travolta, Amanda Byrne, Queen Latifah, etc. (the whole cast upset me). They say if you don't want to see it, don't watch it. So I didn't, I haven't, and I have no desire to subject myself to 2007's Hairspray. I only watched Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory because it was advertised to NOT be based off of the original film, but more off of the book, thus we were all forewarned (2007's Hairspray had no literary backing to fall back on). But I am ever so disappointed with what the rest of the year has to offer.
9021-oh no
This classic TV shows has already had a ton of (semi)successful, unofficial spin offs - The OC, One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl - that tackled the same drama with high school aged kids that was a precedent when 90210 first aired. I'm sure producers believe that attaching the '90210' name guarantees success. Probably. Our society seems fairly easy to please. Necessary? Absolutely not. Will I watch? OF COURSE! Especially since rumor has it Kelly Taylor may be back as a teacher for BHHS and it opens possibilities for us finding out where the original cast are now. What has Dylan McKay been up to all these years?
NKOTB
or as they should now be known as Old Men on the Corner
I was lucky to catch the kids/boys/men on the Today show a few weeks back. They look rough. Danny looks as though he's been abusing the botox. Joey is ghastly pale. Donnie's hairline appears to be receding. Rumor has it they'll be back in the studio to record some new hits(!) for their comeback tour. I'm surprised a reality show won't be accompanying it. Will I go to the concert? OF COURSE! My instinct tells me their summer tour will be no where near as profitable as Hanna Montana's, but none the less, I shall be there. Their appearance on the Today show reminded me what I loved so much about them. They were asked to introduce themselves and Jordan got the mike and said, "I'm Jordan. I'm a Taurus." How fucking great is that?
The Lost Boys
This is wrong on a multitude of levels. First and foremost being that, of course, you don't fuck with a classic. If you do, the two biggest names in the flick shouldn't be two have-been child actors turned reality TV stars. Even though I, like the majority of other young girls in the late eighties - early nineties, loved the Coreys Haim and Feldmen, I do not want to see them fighting vampires while they're nearing the midlife crisis stage. Will I see it? NO. I do have some dignity.
9021-oh no
This classic TV shows has already had a ton of (semi)successful, unofficial spin offs - The OC, One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl - that tackled the same drama with high school aged kids that was a precedent when 90210 first aired. I'm sure producers believe that attaching the '90210' name guarantees success. Probably. Our society seems fairly easy to please. Necessary? Absolutely not. Will I watch? OF COURSE! Especially since rumor has it Kelly Taylor may be back as a teacher for BHHS and it opens possibilities for us finding out where the original cast are now. What has Dylan McKay been up to all these years?
NKOTB
or as they should now be known as Old Men on the Corner
I was lucky to catch the kids/boys/men on the Today show a few weeks back. They look rough. Danny looks as though he's been abusing the botox. Joey is ghastly pale. Donnie's hairline appears to be receding. Rumor has it they'll be back in the studio to record some new hits(!) for their comeback tour. I'm surprised a reality show won't be accompanying it. Will I go to the concert? OF COURSE! My instinct tells me their summer tour will be no where near as profitable as Hanna Montana's, but none the less, I shall be there. Their appearance on the Today show reminded me what I loved so much about them. They were asked to introduce themselves and Jordan got the mike and said, "I'm Jordan. I'm a Taurus." How fucking great is that?
The Lost Boys
This is wrong on a multitude of levels. First and foremost being that, of course, you don't fuck with a classic. If you do, the two biggest names in the flick shouldn't be two have-been child actors turned reality TV stars. Even though I, like the majority of other young girls in the late eighties - early nineties, loved the Coreys Haim and Feldmen, I do not want to see them fighting vampires while they're nearing the midlife crisis stage. Will I see it? NO. I do have some dignity.
Friday, April 18, 2008
50 Reasons I Should Not Be Dating Robert Blake
WARNING - You may experience nausea while reading this post.
I've been single for a number of years and have somehow wound up in a relationship with a Robert Blake. I don't think I'm relationship material, and yet, here I am in something that vaguely resembles one. I was being grilled in the office the other day about my relationship when I blurted out, "I can give you 50 reasons why I shouldn't be dating Robert Blake!" Syl looked at me and asked if I could give her one reason why I should. My reply - Because when I think of him I smile (insert vomiting sound here).
I received a text message from a Robert Blake yesterday stating he had a whole bunch of chocolate cupcakes if I was interested. My reply - I love chocolate cupcakes but you're my favorite cupcake of all (insert vomiting sound here).
But in reality, I am working on giving you 50 reasons why I shouldn't be dating Robert Blake (or probably anyone else for that matter) and you can find them here.
I've been single for a number of years and have somehow wound up in a relationship with a Robert Blake. I don't think I'm relationship material, and yet, here I am in something that vaguely resembles one. I was being grilled in the office the other day about my relationship when I blurted out, "I can give you 50 reasons why I shouldn't be dating Robert Blake!" Syl looked at me and asked if I could give her one reason why I should. My reply - Because when I think of him I smile (insert vomiting sound here).
I received a text message from a Robert Blake yesterday stating he had a whole bunch of chocolate cupcakes if I was interested. My reply - I love chocolate cupcakes but you're my favorite cupcake of all (insert vomiting sound here).
But in reality, I am working on giving you 50 reasons why I shouldn't be dating Robert Blake (or probably anyone else for that matter) and you can find them here.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
The Housing Mess
How horrible is this? I’ve refrained from blogging about the whole mortgage/housing mess as we talk about it at work all the time but this has gone too far!
Working in the real estate industry, the section melt down has really had an effect on me. I’m down what seems like thousands of dollars a year. The value of my home has dropped significantly and once the area of town I live in (which I affectionately refer to as Little Puerto Rico or the Barrio) starts getting foreclosed on, the value of my home will plummet even more. Everyone is quick to point fingers and place the blame on someone. I only know it’s not my fault. I’ve done nothing wrong. Dammit!
I understand the American Dream is to own a home. What no one seemed to understand during the high point of the real estate boom is that not every American can own a home. I’ve handled literally hundreds of closings over the past few years and have first hand knowledge that many of the people who purchased homes between 2005 and 2007 are/were foreclosures waiting to happen. Tons of people took out 1st and 2nd mortgages, effectively sucking all of the equity (and then some) out of the property, mainly for the sole purpose of not having to come into closing with money or avoiding a monthly PMI charge. A lot of these loans had Adjustable Rate or No-Interest options, things which can make one’s monthly payments drastically increase. I’ve had closings where buyers have no funds in reserve (i.e. nothing or very, very little in savings) and are surely ill prepared if something goes wrong, with either themselves or the house. I’ve done closings where buyers have only had to come in with $1. A dollar?! Since when did buying a home cost a third of the price of a gallon of gas?
When I purchased I scrimped and I saved and had to cough up over $10k at the time of closing. The (one and only) loan I got required me to have a little somethin' somethin' in savings, just in case. I have a fixed rate mortgage; My payments only change when my taxes and insurance increase, which they do inevitably every year. I didn't buy the house of my dreams because it was out of my price range. Yeah, I could have probably afforded it a few years down the line but opted not to take out an ARM or Interest Only loan, causing me to settle for something more suitable for a 1st time home buyer. This mortgage mess is not my fault, but as an American, I have to pay for the greed of others.
We are a society with champagne tastes living on beer budgets. We believe bigger is better and everything is attainable (with approved credit). I think greed is to blame for the ever falling American dollar, the collapse of the housing marketing, the recession that’s put me into a depression and the absolutely horrible fucking people who abandon their pets.
Working in the real estate industry, the section melt down has really had an effect on me. I’m down what seems like thousands of dollars a year. The value of my home has dropped significantly and once the area of town I live in (which I affectionately refer to as Little Puerto Rico or the Barrio) starts getting foreclosed on, the value of my home will plummet even more. Everyone is quick to point fingers and place the blame on someone. I only know it’s not my fault. I’ve done nothing wrong. Dammit!
I understand the American Dream is to own a home. What no one seemed to understand during the high point of the real estate boom is that not every American can own a home. I’ve handled literally hundreds of closings over the past few years and have first hand knowledge that many of the people who purchased homes between 2005 and 2007 are/were foreclosures waiting to happen. Tons of people took out 1st and 2nd mortgages, effectively sucking all of the equity (and then some) out of the property, mainly for the sole purpose of not having to come into closing with money or avoiding a monthly PMI charge. A lot of these loans had Adjustable Rate or No-Interest options, things which can make one’s monthly payments drastically increase. I’ve had closings where buyers have no funds in reserve (i.e. nothing or very, very little in savings) and are surely ill prepared if something goes wrong, with either themselves or the house. I’ve done closings where buyers have only had to come in with $1. A dollar?! Since when did buying a home cost a third of the price of a gallon of gas?
When I purchased I scrimped and I saved and had to cough up over $10k at the time of closing. The (one and only) loan I got required me to have a little somethin' somethin' in savings, just in case. I have a fixed rate mortgage; My payments only change when my taxes and insurance increase, which they do inevitably every year. I didn't buy the house of my dreams because it was out of my price range. Yeah, I could have probably afforded it a few years down the line but opted not to take out an ARM or Interest Only loan, causing me to settle for something more suitable for a 1st time home buyer. This mortgage mess is not my fault, but as an American, I have to pay for the greed of others.
We are a society with champagne tastes living on beer budgets. We believe bigger is better and everything is attainable (with approved credit). I think greed is to blame for the ever falling American dollar, the collapse of the housing marketing, the recession that’s put me into a depression and the absolutely horrible fucking people who abandon their pets.
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