The further I get in this book the deeper down the rabbit hole I go. This book is way fucked up. It’s full of sayings and chants – the newest Orgy-porgy, Ford and fun, kiss the girls and make them One. Boys with one with girls at peace; Orgy-porgy gives release. That’s just a wee bit of sexual innuendo, don’t you think? A gramme is better than a damn. Just push that drug use.
There are a couple of things in the future that are still that same - Native Americans are still called savages and kept on reservations. Peep shows are still around (however they are now more appropriately called the Feelies).
In a nutshell
Brave New World is a satirical look on a hedonistic future where promiscuity and drug use are encouraged. The story follows Bernard Marx, a high caste loner touting the physical looks of a lower caste member. Marx’s physical ‘deformities’ cause him to be ridiculed by his peers and subordinates. Marx doesn’t quite follow the regulated lifestyle of sex and soma, causing himself to be further ostracized from the others. He manages to talk the lovely Lenina into taking a holiday to a savage reservation in North America. When requesting approval for the trip from his superior, Bernard finds the Director had also taken a romantic getaway to the Savage Reservation years earlier, only to lose his mate in the desert. During Bernard and Lenina’s trip to the old world, they stumble upon the Director’s long lost love, Linda. Linda has grown old and decrepit but more surprising than this is the fact that Linda bore a child, John the Savage, and had become the nastiest of things, a mother. Bernie packed up the clan and took them back to civilization (Civilization is sanitation, you know). Upon their return, Bernie humiliated the Director by reuniting him with his lost love, Linda, and introducing him to his son, causing the Director to resign. Marx is greeted with an obscene of amount of popularity, something he had never had bestowed upon him before. Linda passes which sends the Savage over the cuckoo’s nest. Finally, unable to assimilate to the new culture the Savage had been thrust into, John does what so many of us do when we feel like we do not fit in, he kills himself.
What I have learned:
I still concur with my initial assessment of this should not be high school reading.
Although this is a work of fiction, there are no space ships.
Join me next time when I take you back to the rabbit hole, slit your throat and push you in – D’s Book Club presents A Clockwork Orange.
Side Note: I’m scared as hell to read A Clockwork Orange. The boy was at my house last week and said the book is way more fucked up than the movie. Then I was talking to my boy JC (no silly, not Jesus Christ) and he too said the book is far more disturbing. He had to put it down and did not want to read the rest of it. That coming from JC (still not Jesus Christ, sorry) should be enough to ward me off, but I am a manly man yearning for words.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Random Quote from Michelle...
Michelle saw the 5th Harry Potter movie this weekend. She says:
I thought it was interesting that when Harry was all up in Snape’s mind, he saw his dad being a jerk. I think I like Snape b/c Harry Potter takes me back to being a teenager and he reminds me of Trent Reznor.
Right on, sister, right on.
I thought it was interesting that when Harry was all up in Snape’s mind, he saw his dad being a jerk. I think I like Snape b/c Harry Potter takes me back to being a teenager and he reminds me of Trent Reznor.
Right on, sister, right on.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
D's Book Club - Brave New World, Part I
I had such a wonderful reading experience this week with the lovable Mr. Potter that I headed off to the bookstore yesterday in search my next conquest. After purchasing several books, I decided to start with Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. I chose this book because it was required reading in my Freshman English class. Each student was required to do a project – a movie poster – for the book. I did not read the book. I did the best I could with all I knew which was the title, Brave New World. I created a movie poster with a spaceship flying through the galaxy. I didn’t even get an ‘F’ for that project – I got a zero.
A couple of facts about the author – Huxley was born in England in the late 1800s and was nearly blind. He taught French stuff at Eton and had a few promising students – one being Eric Blair, who would later morph into Animal Farm’s author George Orwell. Although Huxley despised mass culture and popular entertainment, his influences on them are surprising. For example The Doors came up with their name through one of Huxley’s super kooky books – The Doors of Perception. He also appeared on the cover of The Beatles’ Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club album. In his later years Huxley befriended Dr. Timothy Leary, the creator of LSD (Leary subsequently was arrested and at one time in a jail cell next to the infamous Charles Manson). Huxley enjoyed his hallucinogens, not only LSD but peyote and mescaline as well. I say good for him! What do you think a blind person sees when they trip?
Onto the book! A few pages in I realized the book has nothing to do about space ships – it’s all about sex and drugs (before there was rock ‘n roll). In the future, people are no longer ‘born’ as they are now; they are instead ‘decanted’ from test tubes. The caste system is in full effect, dividing people into Alphas, Betas, Deltas, Gammas, and Epsilons at decantation. Children are put though immense physically and metal conditioning. For example, peeps who are destined to be iron workers are subjected to extreme heat while in the tube, thus causing them to want to work in that type of field. Some torture is extremely cruel – shocking Epsilon babies when they move toward flowers or bright colors. For years children are subjected to sleep teaching or hypnopaedia, in which they are taught to dislike others who are outside of their caste. Most people in the future are sterile and the ones who are not use birth control. The idea of pregnancy, of mother, father, or family is taboo and considered to be smut. The future holds a very hedonistic society with slogans like Everyone belongs to each other. At young ages children run around the playground, naked, playing rudimentary sex games. People are encouraged to take holiday from reality by using soma – One cubic centimeter cures ten gloomy sentiments.
That’s about as far as I am but I can definitely say I do not feel this book is appropriate for high school English. Society wonders why our youth are into drugs and desensitized toward sex. My guess – they read Brave New World in high school.
I leave you with this thought of contradictions which I can equivocate to my life:
God is, but at the same time God is not. The Universe is governed by blind chance and at the same time by a providence with ethical preoccupations. Suffering is gratuitous and pointless, but also valuable and necessary. The universe is an imbecile sadist, but also, simultaneously, the most benevolent of parents. Everything is rigidly predetermined but the will is perfectly free. ~Aldous Huxley~
A couple of facts about the author – Huxley was born in England in the late 1800s and was nearly blind. He taught French stuff at Eton and had a few promising students – one being Eric Blair, who would later morph into Animal Farm’s author George Orwell. Although Huxley despised mass culture and popular entertainment, his influences on them are surprising. For example The Doors came up with their name through one of Huxley’s super kooky books – The Doors of Perception. He also appeared on the cover of The Beatles’ Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club album. In his later years Huxley befriended Dr. Timothy Leary, the creator of LSD (Leary subsequently was arrested and at one time in a jail cell next to the infamous Charles Manson). Huxley enjoyed his hallucinogens, not only LSD but peyote and mescaline as well. I say good for him! What do you think a blind person sees when they trip?
Onto the book! A few pages in I realized the book has nothing to do about space ships – it’s all about sex and drugs (before there was rock ‘n roll). In the future, people are no longer ‘born’ as they are now; they are instead ‘decanted’ from test tubes. The caste system is in full effect, dividing people into Alphas, Betas, Deltas, Gammas, and Epsilons at decantation. Children are put though immense physically and metal conditioning. For example, peeps who are destined to be iron workers are subjected to extreme heat while in the tube, thus causing them to want to work in that type of field. Some torture is extremely cruel – shocking Epsilon babies when they move toward flowers or bright colors. For years children are subjected to sleep teaching or hypnopaedia, in which they are taught to dislike others who are outside of their caste. Most people in the future are sterile and the ones who are not use birth control. The idea of pregnancy, of mother, father, or family is taboo and considered to be smut. The future holds a very hedonistic society with slogans like Everyone belongs to each other. At young ages children run around the playground, naked, playing rudimentary sex games. People are encouraged to take holiday from reality by using soma – One cubic centimeter cures ten gloomy sentiments.
That’s about as far as I am but I can definitely say I do not feel this book is appropriate for high school English. Society wonders why our youth are into drugs and desensitized toward sex. My guess – they read Brave New World in high school.
I leave you with this thought of contradictions which I can equivocate to my life:
God is, but at the same time God is not. The Universe is governed by blind chance and at the same time by a providence with ethical preoccupations. Suffering is gratuitous and pointless, but also valuable and necessary. The universe is an imbecile sadist, but also, simultaneously, the most benevolent of parents. Everything is rigidly predetermined but the will is perfectly free. ~Aldous Huxley~
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
The Final Chapter...
I finished the latest masterpiece by JK Rowling. Holy moly – hands down one of the best books I have ever read. I was hooting and hollering as I read it. Tears of joy and happiness streamed down my face and onto the book, wilting the pages. There were only supposed to be 2 deaths, I thought, but in total (main) 4 characters were killed off as well as what has to be my favorite magical creature.
STOP HERE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW!
Although many people died facing You-Know-Who I am only recapping the deaths of those we know.
First death – Mad-Eye Moody as introduced in Book 4 the Goblet of Fire. He takes a much larger role in the Order of the Phoenix. I thought it was sad but eh – who really cares?
The next 3 all died in battle – Remus Lupin (the werewolf hybrid introduced in Book 3 the Prisoner of Azkaban – he too takes a larger part of the story starting with the Order of the Phoenix) – this too was sad; Tonks, Remus’ wife (also introduced in the Order) who had just had a baby (awful!) that Harry was the godfather of; and Fred Weasley – one of the twins who have been there since the very beginning (His twin – George – had his ear blown off leaving a big gaping hole – oh my!). The all died with dignity on that final, fateful night.
The final human death, Professor Severus Snape. Through out the series he and our hero loathed each other but in the end - what’s this – Snape was good?! Snape had been in love with Harry’s mum since childhood and when Voldemort went after her, Snape changed sides and came to follow Dumbledore. Who knew all this time he was protecting the Boy Who Lived?
But the one that killed me – broke my heart to the point I had to put the book down and walk away (and as I type about it my eyes swell with tears) – was the death of Dobby, the house elf (introduced in Book 2 the Chamber of Secrets). When it seemed that all hope was lost, Dobby came out of no where to save the life of Harry Potter and his friends. ~squish squish~ Heartbreaking I tell you! I sobbed for nearly 15 minutes. Sobbed to the point my eyes are still swollen this morning.
Neville Longbottom, the awkward little boy found through out the entire series, bucked up and kicked ass. Mrs. Weasley got into an ass kicking duel with Bellatrix LeStange (yelling at Bellatrix, and I quote, “NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH!”). Buckbeak was there – he was the hippograff Harry and Hermione saved in the Prisoner of Azkaban. Basically everyone and everything, whom Harry had helped at some point or another, came back to whoop ass when Mr. Potter was threatened. Damn I wish I had friends like these!
The moral of the Harry Potter franchise, I think, is to follow the Golden Rule – Do onto others as you would like done to yourself. I think this is a something that the majority of us fail to follow in everyday life as we are all out for our own personal gain. As cheesy and hokey as this may sound, I am now thinking about how I live my life and how I treat those surrounding me. What comes around, goes around. This is not only the basic principle of karma, but The Secret and the Golden Rule as well. Maybe they’re onto something. Just ask Harry Potter.
STOP HERE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW!
Although many people died facing You-Know-Who I am only recapping the deaths of those we know.
First death – Mad-Eye Moody as introduced in Book 4 the Goblet of Fire. He takes a much larger role in the Order of the Phoenix. I thought it was sad but eh – who really cares?
The next 3 all died in battle – Remus Lupin (the werewolf hybrid introduced in Book 3 the Prisoner of Azkaban – he too takes a larger part of the story starting with the Order of the Phoenix) – this too was sad; Tonks, Remus’ wife (also introduced in the Order) who had just had a baby (awful!) that Harry was the godfather of; and Fred Weasley – one of the twins who have been there since the very beginning (His twin – George – had his ear blown off leaving a big gaping hole – oh my!). The all died with dignity on that final, fateful night.
The final human death, Professor Severus Snape. Through out the series he and our hero loathed each other but in the end - what’s this – Snape was good?! Snape had been in love with Harry’s mum since childhood and when Voldemort went after her, Snape changed sides and came to follow Dumbledore. Who knew all this time he was protecting the Boy Who Lived?
But the one that killed me – broke my heart to the point I had to put the book down and walk away (and as I type about it my eyes swell with tears) – was the death of Dobby, the house elf (introduced in Book 2 the Chamber of Secrets). When it seemed that all hope was lost, Dobby came out of no where to save the life of Harry Potter and his friends. ~squish squish~ Heartbreaking I tell you! I sobbed for nearly 15 minutes. Sobbed to the point my eyes are still swollen this morning.
Neville Longbottom, the awkward little boy found through out the entire series, bucked up and kicked ass. Mrs. Weasley got into an ass kicking duel with Bellatrix LeStange (yelling at Bellatrix, and I quote, “NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH!”). Buckbeak was there – he was the hippograff Harry and Hermione saved in the Prisoner of Azkaban. Basically everyone and everything, whom Harry had helped at some point or another, came back to whoop ass when Mr. Potter was threatened. Damn I wish I had friends like these!
The moral of the Harry Potter franchise, I think, is to follow the Golden Rule – Do onto others as you would like done to yourself. I think this is a something that the majority of us fail to follow in everyday life as we are all out for our own personal gain. As cheesy and hokey as this may sound, I am now thinking about how I live my life and how I treat those surrounding me. What comes around, goes around. This is not only the basic principle of karma, but The Secret and the Golden Rule as well. Maybe they’re onto something. Just ask Harry Potter.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Dumb Asses
Oh my! Two posts in one day? You know something good must have happened.
Well it did. It’s official – LINDSAY LOHAN IS A BLOODY IDIOT!
Let’s recap the events – back in May she was tore up and fighting with her lesbian lover. Her lover left the apartment and LiLo chased after her in her Benz. After catching up to her lover, Ms. Lohan proceeded to run her car into some shrubs. I believe the po-pos found a small amount of cocaine on her. Not that I condone illicit drug use (if you can put it up your nose or into your arm - don’t do it) but she should have never had a ‘small’ amount of coke on her. If it was a small amount she should have snorted it up before heading out. Dumb ass.
Just this morning Lindsay Lohan was popped for possession of cocaine, driving under the influence, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility and driving on a suspended license. The new charges have nothing to do with the May arrest. She was out again last night partying it up. The media says she was chasing another car. The cops did a field sobriety test which she failed with flying colors. The arrested her and took her down to the pokey. When she was searched the found cocaine on her person. Dumb ass.
What have we learned today boys and girls (hey you – in the back with the french braids)?
Lesson One: Do all your drugs before getting into the car.
Lesson Two: If you are caught ‘riding dirty’ let the police know you’ve got something on you before the haul your dumb ass to the big house.
Well it did. It’s official – LINDSAY LOHAN IS A BLOODY IDIOT!
Let’s recap the events – back in May she was tore up and fighting with her lesbian lover. Her lover left the apartment and LiLo chased after her in her Benz. After catching up to her lover, Ms. Lohan proceeded to run her car into some shrubs. I believe the po-pos found a small amount of cocaine on her. Not that I condone illicit drug use (if you can put it up your nose or into your arm - don’t do it) but she should have never had a ‘small’ amount of coke on her. If it was a small amount she should have snorted it up before heading out. Dumb ass.
Just this morning Lindsay Lohan was popped for possession of cocaine, driving under the influence, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility and driving on a suspended license. The new charges have nothing to do with the May arrest. She was out again last night partying it up. The media says she was chasing another car. The cops did a field sobriety test which she failed with flying colors. The arrested her and took her down to the pokey. When she was searched the found cocaine on her person. Dumb ass.
What have we learned today boys and girls (hey you – in the back with the french braids)?
Lesson One: Do all your drugs before getting into the car.
Lesson Two: If you are caught ‘riding dirty’ let the police know you’ve got something on you before the haul your dumb ass to the big house.
Harry Potter and Danielle's Obsession
I know I’ve been away for a while but there hasn’t been anything to blog about…. until now…
The Harry Potter series got an entire generation of young folks (and old ones, too) into reading. I won’t lie – I myself fall into this category as a self proclaimed Harry Potter junkie. I have been patiently awaiting the release of the 7th and final book in Mr. Potter’s epic saga and finally it is here. The book dropped at midnight on Friday. Surprisingly enough I did not obtain my copy at the time, nor did I pick up a copy all weekend. In lieu of reading on Sunday I opted to watch all four Harry Potter movies currently released on DVD – Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone; Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets; Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and finally Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is currently in the movie theaters (BIG SHOCK – I’m planning on heading over to the Tampa Bay Pitcher Show to see it – BY MYSELF – the meds must be kicking in or I seriously have a wicked addiction). Sunday night I was so Harry Pottered out that I dreamt in British accents (I actually really enjoy this – someone could call me a fat, nasty bitch but as long as they did it in a British accent, I’m a’ight).
As Monday rolled around and I started jonesing for the newest novel. I decided to take an early lunch at 10a as I could contain myself no longer. I just had to know what happened to the boy that lived. I went to my favorite store, my nemesis – Wal-Mart – and searched frantically for Harry and the Deathly Hallows. SOLD OUT! Bloody hell! But I was on a mission and I would not stop until I felt the book in my hands. I started hallucinating about it – me curled up with the dogs, pouring over page after page of the ginormous book, happiness at its finest. I drive off to Target in hopes I can get it there. Lo and behold – there it was! I felt like I had just placed by hands on the Tri-Wizard Cup (from HP & the Goblet of Fire for you muggles). I snatch up the book with a few other supplies to get me through the reading – Tostitos with a hint of lime, salsa con queso dip and beef jerky – a feast of champions. Feeling like I just hit the lottery I float back into the office and put the book squarely on my desk for examination. 759 pages – jeepers this thing is a big as the bible – fortunately the print is much larger. There have been so many rumors floating around about how the series will conclude. Will the boy wizard and his cohorts live or will they be destroyed with the killing curse Avada Kedavra? So many questions to have answered. Unable to contain myself I go to the last few pages to see what will happen. DISCONTINUE READING IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW! What’s this – it looks like Harry, Ron and Hermione all LIVE! What kind of bloody bullshit is this? How unrealistic is this – everyone lives. Someone needs to die, if not Harry one of his closest pals. Then it got even worse – it looks like Ron married Hermione and spawned off some kids – Harry married Ginny Weasley (Ron’s sister and his love interest in HP & the Half Blood Prince (Book 6) and they had kids as well. Granted it gives a bit of closure being we now know what happens 20 years in the future but what a let down. Happy endings are great but everyone knows there is no pleasure without pain. Someone always has to die. I cannot guarantee this is what happens but I'm pretty damn sure. Ask again tomorrow as I think I'll be done with the book tonight.
JK Rowling promised the death of 2 main characters in this book. In my reading (bought the book yesterday – I’m on page 334 now) and have stumbled across one death. No big deal – this didn’t hit close to home like the death of the great Dumbledore (also HP & the Half Blood Prince) in which I actually came to tears. I have an idea who the other will be as well as a twist that I’m sure will reveal itself in the next 200 pages or so.
Off subject – I have this little dot behind my ear that I’ve been picking at for the least few days. I think I’ve been abducted by aliens and I now have some GPS tracking device inside my body.
The Harry Potter series got an entire generation of young folks (and old ones, too) into reading. I won’t lie – I myself fall into this category as a self proclaimed Harry Potter junkie. I have been patiently awaiting the release of the 7th and final book in Mr. Potter’s epic saga and finally it is here. The book dropped at midnight on Friday. Surprisingly enough I did not obtain my copy at the time, nor did I pick up a copy all weekend. In lieu of reading on Sunday I opted to watch all four Harry Potter movies currently released on DVD – Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone; Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets; Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and finally Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is currently in the movie theaters (BIG SHOCK – I’m planning on heading over to the Tampa Bay Pitcher Show to see it – BY MYSELF – the meds must be kicking in or I seriously have a wicked addiction). Sunday night I was so Harry Pottered out that I dreamt in British accents (I actually really enjoy this – someone could call me a fat, nasty bitch but as long as they did it in a British accent, I’m a’ight).
As Monday rolled around and I started jonesing for the newest novel. I decided to take an early lunch at 10a as I could contain myself no longer. I just had to know what happened to the boy that lived. I went to my favorite store, my nemesis – Wal-Mart – and searched frantically for Harry and the Deathly Hallows. SOLD OUT! Bloody hell! But I was on a mission and I would not stop until I felt the book in my hands. I started hallucinating about it – me curled up with the dogs, pouring over page after page of the ginormous book, happiness at its finest. I drive off to Target in hopes I can get it there. Lo and behold – there it was! I felt like I had just placed by hands on the Tri-Wizard Cup (from HP & the Goblet of Fire for you muggles). I snatch up the book with a few other supplies to get me through the reading – Tostitos with a hint of lime, salsa con queso dip and beef jerky – a feast of champions. Feeling like I just hit the lottery I float back into the office and put the book squarely on my desk for examination. 759 pages – jeepers this thing is a big as the bible – fortunately the print is much larger. There have been so many rumors floating around about how the series will conclude. Will the boy wizard and his cohorts live or will they be destroyed with the killing curse Avada Kedavra? So many questions to have answered. Unable to contain myself I go to the last few pages to see what will happen. DISCONTINUE READING IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW! What’s this – it looks like Harry, Ron and Hermione all LIVE! What kind of bloody bullshit is this? How unrealistic is this – everyone lives. Someone needs to die, if not Harry one of his closest pals. Then it got even worse – it looks like Ron married Hermione and spawned off some kids – Harry married Ginny Weasley (Ron’s sister and his love interest in HP & the Half Blood Prince (Book 6) and they had kids as well. Granted it gives a bit of closure being we now know what happens 20 years in the future but what a let down. Happy endings are great but everyone knows there is no pleasure without pain. Someone always has to die. I cannot guarantee this is what happens but I'm pretty damn sure. Ask again tomorrow as I think I'll be done with the book tonight.
JK Rowling promised the death of 2 main characters in this book. In my reading (bought the book yesterday – I’m on page 334 now) and have stumbled across one death. No big deal – this didn’t hit close to home like the death of the great Dumbledore (also HP & the Half Blood Prince) in which I actually came to tears. I have an idea who the other will be as well as a twist that I’m sure will reveal itself in the next 200 pages or so.
Off subject – I have this little dot behind my ear that I’ve been picking at for the least few days. I think I’ve been abducted by aliens and I now have some GPS tracking device inside my body.
Monday, July 9, 2007
No title today - just talk
We have so much catching up to do!
I’ve been on my meds for probably 30 of the last 60 days. I see the bitchiness and the impulsiveness starting to rear its ugly head. I told Mary the DM that I would start taking my meds again on August 1. She gave me a very nasty look.
My uncle and cousin came into town last week. On the ride home from the airport I asked Justin (my cuz) if he would ride all the rides if I took him to Busch Gardens. He said yes so I told him I’d take him. As this was beyond all impulsiveness, I went home and immediately took my medication. Justin is a cool kid. He’s emo which to me is funny. Every generation has its own ostracized group of social misfits. Emo is just the punk rock, gothic, or skater chic of the ‘00s. He’s got the lopsided hair cut which doesn’t fair well on roller coasters – your hairs always fall out of place. He wears leather bands on one arm up to his elbow and a glove on the other with chains and buckles. His boots jingle when he walks. He is a metal detector’s nightmare. So off I went to Busch Gardens with Justin, the epitome and poster child for the term emo, and we actually had a good time. He’s a quiet kid – probably due to the (in some ways) traumatic childhood he’s had. There were a couple of times I thought I could inquire about his family life but decided to hold off. There’s always next summer. By the way – I’m a mega-dumb ass. I didn’t get the Busch Gardens Fun Card when I went a few weeks ago with the crazies so I had to pay full price again to go to Busch Gardens. That place is a scam. $9 for parking; $3 for a bloody 20 oz. bottle of pop. Ridiculous.
Saturday we went to the wedding of year – Sylvia’s Wedding. Syl is a chick in my office that got engaged on Christmas. All we’ve heard over the last 7 months has been the drama leading up to the event. Thank gosh it’s finally over. Mary was my escort and she is a great wedding date. The ceremony was at a Unity Church, which I will have to Google some more info on at some point. I would think a Unity church would be non-denominational but there was a lot of talk about the big J.C. – not that that’s a bad thing. I thought I had actually found the church of my dreams when I looked over at a wall which I thought had a picture of Bob Marley. Unfortunately it was Jesus – I had to check. It’s quite a sight when everyone is walking out of the church and you’re walking up to the pulpit area. The pastor guy was up there and said something like, “Isn’t that a nifty picture of Jesus?” I can honestly say it was unlike any picture of Jesus I had ever seen – dude – I’m telling you he had dreads. I’m sure I’ve seen that picture on a t-shirt somewhere. When we got to the reception we found a list of the top requested songs on our table. Mary and I went through and picked out the ones that if they played we knew it would be time to go. The #1 pick – The Macarena. When the DJ played the Electric Slide she and I just looked at each other and cringed. Then he played the Cha Cha Slide. Huh? This one was new to me and somehow even more hideous than the classic Electric Slide. Actually, I think it was the Electric Slide for the short bus riders as the dances seem identical with the exception you have to hop and stomp your feet a few times and the song even tells you when to do these things. Horrible. I learned that Mary likes to wait for the wedding cake but if they don’t bring it out quick enough a Little Debbie Swiss Roll will suffice.
Good luck to Sylvia and Jason – more luck to Jason. Syl is a pistol and I pity the fool!
I’ve been on my meds for probably 30 of the last 60 days. I see the bitchiness and the impulsiveness starting to rear its ugly head. I told Mary the DM that I would start taking my meds again on August 1. She gave me a very nasty look.
My uncle and cousin came into town last week. On the ride home from the airport I asked Justin (my cuz) if he would ride all the rides if I took him to Busch Gardens. He said yes so I told him I’d take him. As this was beyond all impulsiveness, I went home and immediately took my medication. Justin is a cool kid. He’s emo which to me is funny. Every generation has its own ostracized group of social misfits. Emo is just the punk rock, gothic, or skater chic of the ‘00s. He’s got the lopsided hair cut which doesn’t fair well on roller coasters – your hairs always fall out of place. He wears leather bands on one arm up to his elbow and a glove on the other with chains and buckles. His boots jingle when he walks. He is a metal detector’s nightmare. So off I went to Busch Gardens with Justin, the epitome and poster child for the term emo, and we actually had a good time. He’s a quiet kid – probably due to the (in some ways) traumatic childhood he’s had. There were a couple of times I thought I could inquire about his family life but decided to hold off. There’s always next summer. By the way – I’m a mega-dumb ass. I didn’t get the Busch Gardens Fun Card when I went a few weeks ago with the crazies so I had to pay full price again to go to Busch Gardens. That place is a scam. $9 for parking; $3 for a bloody 20 oz. bottle of pop. Ridiculous.
Saturday we went to the wedding of year – Sylvia’s Wedding. Syl is a chick in my office that got engaged on Christmas. All we’ve heard over the last 7 months has been the drama leading up to the event. Thank gosh it’s finally over. Mary was my escort and she is a great wedding date. The ceremony was at a Unity Church, which I will have to Google some more info on at some point. I would think a Unity church would be non-denominational but there was a lot of talk about the big J.C. – not that that’s a bad thing. I thought I had actually found the church of my dreams when I looked over at a wall which I thought had a picture of Bob Marley. Unfortunately it was Jesus – I had to check. It’s quite a sight when everyone is walking out of the church and you’re walking up to the pulpit area. The pastor guy was up there and said something like, “Isn’t that a nifty picture of Jesus?” I can honestly say it was unlike any picture of Jesus I had ever seen – dude – I’m telling you he had dreads. I’m sure I’ve seen that picture on a t-shirt somewhere. When we got to the reception we found a list of the top requested songs on our table. Mary and I went through and picked out the ones that if they played we knew it would be time to go. The #1 pick – The Macarena. When the DJ played the Electric Slide she and I just looked at each other and cringed. Then he played the Cha Cha Slide. Huh? This one was new to me and somehow even more hideous than the classic Electric Slide. Actually, I think it was the Electric Slide for the short bus riders as the dances seem identical with the exception you have to hop and stomp your feet a few times and the song even tells you when to do these things. Horrible. I learned that Mary likes to wait for the wedding cake but if they don’t bring it out quick enough a Little Debbie Swiss Roll will suffice.
Good luck to Sylvia and Jason – more luck to Jason. Syl is a pistol and I pity the fool!
Monday, July 2, 2007
Sheer Laziness
When I have weekend tasks to complete, I usually get up at 7a or so and take care of everything first thing in the morning as to leave the rest of my day free. My alarm went off Saturday morning and my body told me to stay in bed. I finally got up a little before noon and scrambles into the kitchen for some grub - but alas, my cupboard was bare. I decide to go to the grocery store and what the hell, while I’m out I’ll head to the Home Depot too. It was the weekend and I was feeling lazy - too lazy to put on a bra so I opened my closet and pulled out my sticky bra. You’ve seen these things. They’re like silicon implants that stick to your chest making wearing strapless or spaghetti strapped tanks no problem. I venture off in the dead heat of the afternoon to run my menial errands, boobs stuck on. Although Home Depot is only a half mile from my house, by the time I arrived it was hot and I was sweaty. As I walked up to the store I felt an odd sensation on my left breast, it felt like the sticky bra was slipping. Yikes. I walked around the store with my arms crossed in hopes of keeping my boobs at boob level. After checking out I ran to the car to avoid any type of mishap. Once in my trusty automobile I turned the A/C on full blast to cool off the breasticles. I mosey on to the grocery store where I’m faced with a dilemma – go inside with nothing underneath my shirt or head in with my slipping silicon implants. The A/C had really cooled my chest down. I checked the boobs and they seemed to be holding their own so I head on in. 10 seconds out of the car and I start to feel the slip again. I start running into the store longing for the cool breeze of the air conditioner. I finally get inside but I’m not cooling down fast enough, they’re still slipping. I start doing this god awful chest grab in the middle of the store aisles trying to stick the puppies back in place. No luck. Again I cross my arms and hope this will be a quick shopping experience. Finally I find all my items, get to the check out line, and start throwing my groceries on the conveyor belt as quickly as I can. Unloading a grocery cart is not a two handed task however it’s quite difficult to unload a cart with one hand and try to hold up your chest with the other. The crazy bargain shopper I am I bought a massive jar of pickles (if the world ends I will have enough pickles to survive for at least a month) and had to grab it with both hands to prop it up on the belt. All the sudden the left one goes. I look down and it was like Alien or something – I had this weird lump protruding from my stomach. I tried to use my purse as a shield to no avail. Again I run out to the car and start shoveling my goods into the trunk. By the time it was said and done I had 2 pair of breasts – the ones on my chest and the new pair on my stomach. I got into the car, stretched out the bottom of my shirt, and ~PLOP~ they fall into my lap.
The moral of this story – it’s okay to be lazy but you should never be too lazy to hook a clasp.
The moral of this story – it’s okay to be lazy but you should never be too lazy to hook a clasp.
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