Yet Another Sucky Day

Arghh!!

The economy sucks. I'm watching what little money I have in my 401k plummet. Unemployment is at an all time high. This is fucking ridiculous.

Finally Teach has started grading assignments and mama ain't too happy. The class I really thought I'd fuck up on was the management class - which I'm somehow pulling an A (97%) in. I got 50/50 points on that horrible case analysis paper. Personal Finance - which I thought I'd breeze on by in - not so good. I've currently got a C (73%). Fuck. I have got to get A's in both of these classes to pull my horribly low GPA up so I can get financial aid for next fall's semester. I've got another case analysis, as well as two 10 point discussions and 2 mandatory online chats on the 11th. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my mother won't be down until after that. I've got midterms due by the 18th for both classes. It's not even noon and just by typing about this I'm getting stressed.

I went to the campus today to apply for my student loan for the Spring/Summer semesters. Yippee. Again mama was not a happy camper. I started at 8a in the financial aide office. I'm approved for a loan through Discover which for whatever reason the college is not currently accepting this lender, and is considering it a private loan. The lady sent me down to the cashier. The cashier sent me backup to the financial aide office. On a lighter note, it looks like I'll get approximately $10k for this that and the other up until next fall. Thank goodness. Hopefully my GPA will be in the 3's somewhere so I may be able to pull in close to $25k this year just for school. My Man doesn't want me working full-time next year but I may or may not. Hell - I don't know anything anymore.

I have figured this out though - Life really isn't fair. My Man has been depressed which has been rubbing off on me. It absolutely breaks my heart to see him in that condition. I sobbed last night for the first time in I don't know how long. I prayed to God and asked his dead mother for help. I've waited 30 years to find a man who treats me the way he does and takes care of me mentally, emotionally and financially (even though the financial thing I never really wanted) and he is a defeatist, like I was for so many years. He's horrified that he's going to bring me down but I know some way, somehow I'm going to bring him up.

This housing market shit has fucked us both. I put in four fucking years at A/D and I get laid off. I was on time, if not early every bloody day when half the office was always at least 30 - 45 minutes late. I gave my heart and soul to that company and I got fucked up the ass with no lube. Loyalty, seniority and hard work mean nothing. The bitterness is sinking in. Big time. He's stressed because the work isn't coming in like it used to - not to mention the fact he feels he should be making at least another hundred bucks a week since he's been doing what he does for the same company for over 10 years. He is signing his checks over to me weekly so I can manage life but it still sucks and is totally unfair. Why is it the hard working white, single, non-child having people seem to get fucked? My taxes have supported welfare and food stamp mothers for years and what have I gotten for busting my ass? Not a fucking thing.

Bitterness. Anger. Resentment. Blah.