DAY FIVE:
The title of this post says it all...
I've been going to Busch Gardens for nearly 30 years. Every time I go I'm still amazed to see how much the place has changed. What's more amazing is some of those old rides that are still in operation, such as (Feel the sting ~!!~ ~!!~ of) the Scorpion and the log flume ride (thank gosh they finally ripped the Python down). I hate the fact the dolphin show is gone. I know it's been gone but it still bothers me. Needless to say I'm all pumped up about going to Busch Gardens. I hadn't ridden Shiekra yest and it had just gone floorless. My plan was to be a total tourist. I was all ready to go in a pair of short black shorts I picked up from Walmart ($5); my bathing suit, and a wife beater. The icing on the cake - the fanny pack. Yeah - you heard me right - I was rockin' the fanny pack. Reality hit and I realize that unfortunately this excursion would be with the sickly little boy.
Bribes..
While we were walking up to the tram I offered the little boy $50 if he would ride all the rides. He said no. I then went up to $75. Nope. At 9 I would have ridden all the rides and would have gone into that freaky lorakeet cage and where all the birds fly around and bite you. The day is starting out well.
Fun in the park...
First thing on the list - Montu. All the walk up the little boy is protesting. We finally get to the line and what's this - the little boy is too short to ride. You must be kidding. Score one for the little boy. Mom wants to head over to the wooden roller coaster so we hop on the skyride. Fortunately you can't really see the attraction when you get in line. Once we neared the top and the kid saw what we were getting on the protests started again, however much milder. He pointed up at the 'track' and asked if it was a strong wire.
Next we stopped in Timbuktu to get something to drink. I'm feeling like a frozen lemonade. The little boy says he wants a coke. We get up to the teller and the little boy changes his mind and says he now wants a lemonade too. No problem. You know how it is at theme parks, no matter what size drink you buy you rarely can finish it before the next ride so I tell him that we'll share. Sounds like a sisterly thing to do. I then asked him if he was having a good time. "No," he replied. I ask if he wants to leave and he just looks at me. Hmph. But that was not the event that fucked up the rest of the day. Mom comes back with the drinks and he REFUSED to share it with me. So there I sat thirsty, the anger building up inside. Mom sees that I'm pissed and offers to get me a lemonade. Nope - I'm done. I had just taken my super hero transformation into - The Silent Bitch.
We start walking toward the log flume ride and Mom is asking Junior what would happen if something happened to her and he had to come live with me. We had to get along. She then looked at me and asked what would happen. "It wouldn't happen. I wouldn't take him," I reply. If my day's gonna be fucked up, everyone's day is gonna be fucked up (New super hero name - The Silent Vindictive Bitch). We get in line for the log flume ride where there was a Hispanic family of 4 or 5 in front of us. After a minute or so the rest of the family started arriving. They came in two waves. By the time it was all said and done there were at least (and I am not Elaine so I am not exaggerating) 11 people. All the while I am in SVB mode. Mom talks the little boy into apologizing to me. "Danielle, he has something he wants to say to you." I turn around and reply, "I don't care. I don't want to hear it." A few more minutes go by and an announcement is played over the PA - the ride has been shut down. This is not surprising to me as this is probably the oldest ride in Busch Gardens. I have pictures of me at 3 years old with my face painted in one of those logs. We head off to the Tidal Wave. The little boy actually got on this one without too much coaxing. He had to shut his eyes down the slide at the end. He actually put his head down between his legs like he was kissing his ass goodbye.
I'm still pissed but I feel like riding Shiekra would make it all better. I think what better time than now and get in line. Again there is a Spanish family in front of me. And again after a few minutes the rest of la famila comes over and starts cutting in line. They talk their mom into getting on and the grandfather as well. I don't think this is a good idea being this man was in his 60s or so. I wait in line wondering if I was going to be in the same car as the the man would would be suffering from a heart attach within the next quarter of an hour. We get up to the front of the line and there's only room for 3 more people. I hop on, thankful that something has finally gone right. When the car pulled out I noticed it had started sprinkling. When we started the steep incline change fell out of the woman's pocket in front of me. This kind of freaked me out because when I was younger I heard that if someone put a penny on the railroad tracks they could derail a train. At least they fell behind us so I was safe. Too bad for the next people. I must say Shiekra is a bad mutha'. I really enjoy roller coasters and never have I felt a sensation as the one I felt during that first drop. I felt better.
Congo River Rapids was next. This is another old one but there aren't really any moving parts. I securely strap myself into the raft thinking about how unsafe that thing really is. There's a bar in the middle that you can hold onto but I'm 5'2" and I couldn't reach. Down the tumultuous waters we go. All the sudden we hit the wall and Mom slides out of her seat and bangs her elbow on the side of the raft, drawing blood. This was unbelievable. We get a little closer to the end and hit another wall. My seat belt comes undone and I go flying on the floor, banging my leg and temple. Everyone on board was speechless. My shin still hurts.
It's lunchtime so we head off for a sit down meal. The little boy wants a ham and cheese sandwich. I get the kids meal consisting of a hot dog and french fries. We get to check out and the little boy decides he now wants a hot dog and french fries. I give him mine - the sisterly thing to do. But do I receive a thank you, a smile? Apparently I deserve nothing. Brat.
We went on the Cheetah Chaser. I thought I was going to get whiplash.
We finally get to the wooden roller coaster Gwazi. Hot damn - one ride Damien is big enough to ride. We start walking up the ramp to the ride and the little bot starts to physically protest. Absolutely ridiculous. Mom and I decide we are gonna ride anyway. We get to the top we tell the little boy to walk across the coaster and stand by the exit. More whining. He finally goes across and off we go. Mom loved it so we went again.
By now it's starting to get dark so I say we should hit a few more rides he wants to ride. We walked by the log flume ride. Apparently it had opened but now it was closed again and people were getting out of the logs and down the stairs by the slide part. If that would have happened to us I think the little boy would have died. We go back to the Tidal Wave and ride again. I started having a flashback when the little boy said he wanted to ride on the Congo River Rapids again. We didn't really get wet the first go 'round but at the end of the second I was drenched. "Again!" he says so we went again. On our final ride there were 4 Jamaican people on the boat. How funny this will be, I thought, being that Elaine says brown people don't like water. The Jamaicans didn't think they were going to get wet. We get near de waterfall, mon, and the raft turns and drenches one of the Jamaican chicks. She was screaming so loud you'd have thought she was being killed. It was great. Every time you could get hit by water the water hit her. She was literally squealing. Mom was laughing so hard she was in tears.
Mom wanted to hit Gwazi a few more times so I we did. I snuck the camera on and took a picture of us. Fuck. Is that what I'm gonna look like in 20 years?
And the only picture taken of me and the little boy. Mom cannot hold a camera straight.
DAY SIX:
Life is back to normal...
The crazies left today. I shed a tear.
FINAL NOTES:
I have figured out who the little boy looks like!! It's Montgomery Burns from the Simpsons. You be the judge. Again, I look NOTHING like this child.
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