As corny as this may sound, I am very happy I'm back on my meds and where I am in life right now.
My office still reeks of flowers. Everyone who comes in say just how beautiful they are. I am still ridiculously smitten and very embarrassed to say so. I think I'm gonna get smacked by someone in my office because I've been walking around here for two days with a smile from ear to ear and I have been super nice to everyone. I would like to believe this guy really likes me (he swears to me he does) but it's hard for me since I've been asking myself for years what's wrong with me. I don't even want to go into full detail with what's been going on between he and I but if what he tells me is true, I am floored. When I saw him last night I told him the whole flower thing was the nicest thing I guy has even done for me. He just looked at me and said, "I was thinking about you and I wanted you to know that." He tells me he's prayed for years for someone like me to come into his life and feels that his prayers have finally been answered. He tells me when he was out yesterday he kept seeing signs telling him that I'm the one he should be with. He is looking for a serious relationship, which is super great for me. He's asked me to give him four months to prove to me that he's honest about his feelings for me and prove to me that I am and will always be number one in his life. He's practically begged me not to hold any of my past relationships against him as he knows I've been hurt in the past and I push everyone away. He leaves me speechless. I can't tell him how I'm feeling because I have my 'tough' exterior to contend with as well as my own personal fears. Poor kid - he has no idea what he's getting himself into. I have made it a point to forewarn him though.
They say if it's too good to be true it probably is, but here I am (being ridiculously optimistic) hoping they are all wrong.
I never thought I'd say this but thank god Robert Blake broke up with me. He could have never given me what I'm receiving now.
And finally SHOUT OUT TO MICHELLE! I feel like an ass quoting Pantera when it was actually Suicidal Tendencies. You go girl!
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2 comments:
I am so happy for you! Your tone is so hopeful. I rejoice in your flowers, and I swear I can smell them from here (orlando).
Maybe if you could quote a song from Wham! or The Monkees, then I could offer my experience and assistance with the lyrics.
It's amazing what those expensive little pills will do. I think I've come to realize that to be happy in life you HAVE to be a little corny and naive. It sucks because we both KNOW how retarded that concept is. You've got to re-train your brain and the way you react to situations. Smell the daisies, glass half full and all of that rubbish. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! It's just hard learning how NOT to sabotage yourself!
There you go. That'll be $75.00 kthanx.
Note: I have not tested these tactics. I'm a talker not a doer.
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