Saturday

I told myself that last night would be the last night of Xanax so I made sure to do it up right. It's 7p, and I'm just rolling out of bed. I woke up at random times desperately trying to finish the movie I was watching and running to the kitchen for ice cream (it's the one thing I can keep down), but feel like I've had a good night's rest. Life is starting to get back to semi-normal so I do believe it was the last night of my druggedness.

The meds are definitely kicking in. It's not like I feel ecstatic to be alive or anything but I didn't cry yesterday, which was a first in weeks. I actually want to be awake. I'm sitting in my computer at home for the first time in weeks. It's absolutely shocking for me that I've gone this long. I haven't been keeping up with my accounting. I've not been playing EverCrack. Not even solitaire.

I'm crying and surprisingly enough they aren't tears of sorrow.

Sleepy Mary read my blog (probably in hopes of it putting her to sleep) and posted a very uplifting comment. I cannot express to you how instrumental she's been for me on the beginning of this path.

I received an email from a gentleman from "Jeff's Group of Friends" who's been following my blog (I really do have fans!). The support overwhelmed me, as did the feeling of not being alone. He was able to summarize my over all dislike of people in only a few sentences.


QUOTE
"I think I have had some advantage and disadvantage of being partially raised by my grandparents in that I had the old values of male stoicism ingrained during childhood. You must do your duty, you must wake up, you must be on time, you must go to work, you must do what you say you are going to do, you must be loyal. I've also judged people by those standards often been disappointed. I've hated myself every time I have broken those simple ideals and it has haunted me."
END QUOTE


I know that could come off as being negative, but I've always felt that way, and please person from JGoF (we need an alias for you) don't take this the wrong way, but I think that's something else that needs to be addressed in my life. I am very hard on myself and try to hold myself to a 'higher' standard and I expect everyone else to do the same. When they don't, I'm known to go a little kookoo.

Well, I've gotta run. There's an orange push pop in the freezer with my name on it!